Clear Skies
by laurzz
Summary: DannyLindsay - Clear skies from here on in... Post 4x19


_A/N: so, i come baring gifts, or well, DL. A post 4-best episode this season-19 oneshot. _

_Disclaimer : It's AZ's world, i'm just living in it. _

_Daises(because you're getting fat with all the M&M's i feed you,) to Twinkeyrocks for her reading through it, love you chickie! :) And i'm just kidding. you can have both the daises and M&M's. :P_

_ETA: FINALE NIGHT! GET THE M&M'S :D_

* * *

"_I hate the way you're always right, I hate it when you lie._

_I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry._

_I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call._

_But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit._

_Not even at all."_

Julia Styles, "10 things I hate about you"

--

Lindsay Monroe took a deep breath as she descended upon the stormy New York streets. Alone.

She wrapped her coat around her, and rubbed her hands together in an attempt to gain some heat, but she knew from her walks in Montana, that once the rain had soaked you, there was no going back.

One thing that she had thankfully been able to bring from her old life to her new life was her walks in the rain. There was something soothing about the rain, she had thought, especially after her friends' murders. Taking solace in the rain, when times got hard, she would grab her riding boots, pull on her brother's coat, and walk. She had never headed any where in particular, just anywhere. And, more often than not, she ended up at the diner. Only to see her Dad stood there, dripping wet, with the dodge blasting out warm heat. With the smile on his face, that told her he was there, and willing to take her wherever it was she wanted to go. Just to sit, in silence, to try and get rid of the aching feeling in her chest at the loss of her friends – to try and get rid of the hold that the one night in the diner had on her. But now, in New York, she didn't have _that_ hold over her. She could walk anywhere, freely, knowing she had finally put her past to rest.

Now though, she had a whole different type of hold on her.

She had lost count the amount of times she had berated herself for telling him that she wasn't good with what he was going through. She really couldn't have said anything worse. But, she had said it, and there was no going back. She wanted to be there for Danny. She just wasn't sure of how to do it exactly. Which was ironic really, because she, of all people, should know how to be there for him, _shouldn't she_ ? She knew what he was going through. The regret. The hurt. The anger. The desire to go back to that one moment in time and changed what happened. But, when she tried to say it, he either pushed her away, or she shut down.

And this brought her to her current location, walking down the familiar streets of Manhattan, wondering where, and what her next step would be.

The aching feeling she had in the pit of her stomach, was back. But this time, it was a different aching feeling. She couldn't pin point it exactly. She thought that she was feeling the loss of Ruben Sandoval – she was feeling Danny's pain, but more recently, the ache had changed.

She figured with her unreturned love declaration was the cause of the ache. After she had confessed how she felt, and he had stared at her blankly, she realized the aching feeling was her heart, slowly breaking.

She sighed, and dodged a puddle forming on the sidewalk. Glancing at her watch that Stella had bought her for her birthday her eyes widened. She had been out for nearly an hour and a half just walking, thinking.

Shoving her hands in her pockets, she turned down the street, leading towards her apartment building. She glanced up to the skies, and let the rain soak her face even more than what it had already. She figured the numerous showers she had taken in the past few weeks hadn't washed this pain away, so maybe the rain water could.

Realizing it was no use; she brought her head back down, and slowed her pace down a little, giving herself a few more minutes to think, before she reached her apartment.

She shifted her cell phone in her pocket slightly, and startled when it began to ring shrilly, bringing her out of her thoughts.

Gazing at the Caller ID, she let out a small, weak laugh at the picture he had taken months previous – before they had lost sight of why they were in a relationship together.

She hesitated for a minute, before realizing that they would have to speak sooner or later. She closed her eyes for a moment, as she answered the phone.

"Hey" she rasped out, terrified of what the conversation may hold.

"_Hey, where are you?"_

"Taking a rain walk. It's a Montana thing, you wouldn't understand"

"_Yeah, maybe I would. Maybe there're a lot of things I understand now."_

"Yeah, like what?"

"_Like how sorry I am for pushing you away"_

Her instincts went for it. She didn't even take the deep breath she thought she would need to let it out.

"Danny, I tried giving you your space, but I don't know how much longer I can be alone, it's messing with my work, it's breaking my heart."

There. She'd said it.

"_No, No, I know – I know. I swear to god it wont happen again. The truth is, the truth is, I miss you, more than I can say, even if I don't know how to say-"_

She tried to suppress her grin, but she knew she was failing. She knew full well he would hear her grinning down the phone, and deep down she hated it.

"Do you have any idea how hard you are to love?"

She sighed, and she knew she had had the same effect on him, as he had just had with her.

"_Why don't you come over and tell me in person. Please?"_

She hesitated, weighing up her options. There was no way she was just forgiving him straight away, these past few weeks had been sheer hell. But, in the same breath, she yearned for his touch, to just let him in again.

Blinking back to reality, she sighed "I gotta go". And hastily hung up.

Glancing up and down the street, she looked for any passers-by. Realizing she was alone, she turned, picked up speed, and headed in the opposite direction.

_In person_ ? He was going to get in person.

Formulating a plan as she walked, she picked up speed, and travelled the familiar journey to his apartment.

Hearing her phone ring again, she pulled it out of her pocket, ready to decline the call, but, was shocked at the ID.

"Daddy?"

"_Hey Linds, how you doing Kiddo?"_

"I'm good. How're you and Mom?"

"_We're good. You keeping yourself outta that rain kiddo? I saw that it's thundering on the news"_

"Actually Daddy, I'm in it now."

"_Do I need to get the dodge going? Pick you up?"_

Lindsay smiled. "No Daddy, I'm okay. Well, I will be"

"_How's things with Danny. Have you talked yet?"_

"S'where I'm going."

"_What you gonna say Kid?"_

"I was trying to work it out, when you called."

"_You get anywhere?"_

"Nope. I need you Daddy."

She could feel her father smiling down the phone. _"Call it a Daddy intuition."_

Lindsay chuckled. "Go on,"

"_10 things I hate about you."_

"What's Heath Ledger got to do with this?"

"_He's got everything to do with this. Remember that poem you couldn't stop quoting."_

"Her sonnet?"

"_S'the one."_

"What about it."

"_Just you think about it. You'll work it out sweetie."_

"Say hi to Mommy for me. Tell her I love her."

"_I will."_

"I love you Daddy."

"_I love you too. I'll see you soon, okay. I miss you Lindsay"_

"Yeah, I promise. I'll see you soon."

She smiled as he disconnected the call, and looked up at the building.

"_Here goes nothing…"_ she silently prepped herself as she started the climb to the 6th floor.

She could hear him moving the stool in his apartment, figuring he was sat up at the breakfast bar. Raising her hand to knock on the door, she took a deep breath, and let her fingers connect with the wood.

She could hear him shuffling towards the door, in his slippers, pyjama pants, and a wife beater no doubt.

She grinned when he answered the door at how well she knew him.

"Lindsay, I-"

"Could I come in?"

"Sure, sure, here, let me get you a towel."

He hurried off into the bathroom, and she inhaled the smell of his apartment. She had missed him. She felt she belonged here; there was a sense of calm, throughout the whole place. The excitement of a new relationship after their first night. A feeling of the love that they had once shared.

She kicked off her shoes, and peeled her coat from soaked arms.

"Here, you must be freezing." He said, handing her a towel, wiping a droplet from her face and moving a strand of hair from her eyes.

"No, I'm good" she smiled, towel drying her hair.

"So," he smiled weakly, moving towards the couch, patting the seat next to him, as an indicator for her to sit down.

"I need to tell you this Danny"

He nodded, and moved forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "I'm listening Lindsay"

"I just got off the phone with my dad"

His eyes widened and she laughed.

"No, no it's nothing like that Danny, relax." She laughed slightly, as he let out a breath.

"How many times do I have to tell you - he genuinely likes you, I told you before-"

"I know, it's just – never mind. You were saying"

She closed her eyes for a second, and took a deep breath.

"I hate this Danny. I hate the fact you've lied to me, I know you've been in pain, and all the while, you've pushed me away, and suffered in silence. You lied, saying you were fine. I know you, and I knew you haven't been fine. But, when we were in the lab together, going over the evidence, and you were making me laugh, for a minute, I forgot. I forgot I was mad, and upset with you. I forgot that you had hurt me. I hate it when you make me laugh, when all I want to do is cry, because I miss you. I hate the fact my apartment has been empty over the past few weeks; I hate the fact you haven't being around. Not being there, when I've wanted you, when I needed you. I hate the fact you didn't call on my birthday, actually, I just hate the fact you forgot my birthday period. I hate the fact you haven't called at all. It's been me, calling, and getting your answering machine. But you know, through all of this, do you know what I genuinely hate the most?

"What?" he asked, in a whisper, willing her to carry on.

"I hate the way, I don't hate you." She said, moving towards him,

"Not even close," she said, quieter this time, still edging towards him

"Not even a little bit" she hesitated as he stood up. He could see the tears filling her eyes, as he reached for her.

"Not even at all" she whispered, letting out a tiny sob, as she fell into his arms as he held her, soothing her back.

"Lindsay, I'm sorry for pushing you away. I never meant for this to happen. I'm sorry." He let out a sigh, resting his head against her wet hair.

"Danny, I love you. And, it's killing me, because it's so damn hard. I – I can't- I"

"Shhh, Linds, its okay."

"No, it's not. I've fallen in love with you, and you don't feel the same way, I shouldn't have let myself fall in love. It was stupid" she said, breaking out of the embrace, and edging towards the door.

He reached out to her, and stopped her moving further away from him.

"Linds, I do feel the same. It's just; I don't know how to say it. All of this, it's new to me; I have to find some way to process what it is I'm feeling. Lindsay, just believe me when I say, that I feel the same, and I do care about you, a lot."

"I don't _need_ for you to tell me you love me Danny, I don't need reassuring, I know you care about me, that's all I need to know. It's just, it's heartbreaking, knowing I feel more for you, than you feel for me."

"Lindsay, I want to be honest with you, but right now, right now, I don't know how to say it. I do though I do l lo-"

They were interrupted by the shrill ring of their cell phones.

"Stella-"Lindsay sighed "Lead on the cabbie killer?"

"Mac?" Danny paused, "No, sure we'll be right there."

Lindsay threw her phone on the couch and sighed. "Mac?"

Danny nodded. "Stella?"

"Yeah. All hands on deck Dan," She looked down. "I can't go to work dressed like this. Not if I'm about to pull a triple."

"I – uh- I have something you could wear…" Danny shuffled off to his bedroom, leaving Lindsay stood there astounded.

"Danny?" she craned her head so she could see into his room.

He reappeared seconds later with an outfit. An outfit Lindsay recognised.

"I forgot I had that here." She smiled weakly.

"The back up clothes, you brought after the hostage situation last year."

"So that I didn't have to go home and get changed" she finished for him.

"I kept them safe, hoping you might need them again sometime," he smiled, offering the clothes

"Thanks Danny."

"No problem. I'll make us some coffee to go, sound alright?"

"Sure, could I have mine with-?"

"Cinnamon, 2 sugars, with a splash of milk." Danny recited from heart, as he headed off towards the kitchen. She stood for a moment, smiling before heading to the bathroom to change, and dry her hair off some more.

She hurried, got dressed and headed back out into the living room. Balancing herself against the breakfast bar, she picked up Ruben Sandoval's memorial pamphlet, and sighed heavily at sight of the worn edges.

"You miss him, don't you?"

He braced himself against the counter, before turning around. "More and more everyday" he said, quietly, handing her a thermos.

"I am here you know. Day or night." She smiled weakly.

"I know. Lindsay, we-"

"We can talk after work, okay. We need to talk, but right now, we have to go, Mac's stressed, and he doesn't need us-"

"I know, I know Linds. I'd say we could go on the bike, but, well"

"I just got dry. Subway's good."

"Or we could take a cab" Danny added nochanltely

"Danny, remind me why we're going into work?" she laughed at his suggestion

"Ah, yeah. Would I get away with trying to make a joke?"

"Yeah." She smiled, as she headed towards the door, "It was almost as good as your 'peanuts, popcorn, poison' snip the other day."

"Oh yeah," he grinned, chasing after her, towards the door. "You sure about that," he laughed, tickling her sides, as she wiggled free, trying to get her shoes.

"Danny- Danny stop" she laughed.

He pulled her in to his strong chest and hesitated for a minute. For the first time, since Ruben died, he looked into her eyes, and saw her pain. The pain _he_ had caused.

"Linds-"

Stepping back, she shook her head, and sighed. "We have to go"

Nodding, he guided her out of the apartment, and made sure he had locked the door.

She hesitated, and walked in-step to him down the hallway as he shielded her from Rikki Sandoval's apartment.

"We need to talk Lindsay, you know that right. No more dodging this subject. We _have_ to talk."

"As soon as we wrap this case up, we'll talk, alright." She nodded, walking instep to him, their arms grazing with every step they made.

Danny simply nodded, while taking a sip of his freshly made coffee. Holding open the door for her, he glanced up towards the skies

"It's stopped raining"

"How 'bout that," she smiled, taking in a deep breath.

"Clear skies from here on in, I hope" he smiled, hoping she'd catch onto his double meaning.

"Clear skies from here on in." she nodded in agreement.

--

--

R&R?


End file.
